The second time me and Charlie got high we smoked a half ounce of $DOPE between us- safe to say we blew the hinges off the gateway drug. We started growing and selling our own pretty quick: cones, notes and burner phones, man. And fuck yeah we smoked the product! We didn’t walk or stagger ay- we billowed places under a permanent cloud, red eyes like fuckin’ laser beams. We were makin’ bank, too; spending most of it on munchies and Xbox games but I mean, we were kids. It was a pretty good gig.
Of course, the problem with $DOPE is you’re still you, still earthbound and anchored, you know? But $TRIPS, man…. every $TRIP is a fuckin’ red pill- welcome to the real, motherfucker, ready or not. I’ve seen the origami universe unfold, man- I’ve seen the third dimension undone. I’ve heard the baseline beat in 4/4 time- that chemical chant that drives the tides to paint the trees green and bones red- and it’s the same fuckin’ river, man, it’s just… folded up. Like, we’re all lookin’ at the world inside out… you know? Nah, you don’t get it, not yet. You wanna understand? The truth? Find a beanbag and take a $TRIP, man.
Now $TRIPS will show you the truth, and that’s beautiful, but hey- trust me- you don’t want an existential crisis every Friday night. You wanna party! And if you wanna party? If you wanna float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, and fuck like a horse? You want $BLOW. There’s nothin’ like it, man. Oh, and you wanna be rich? Deal $BLOW. You want literal fucking porn-stars suckin’ your dick just for somethin' to do? Trust me. Trust me… $BLOW.
Let me lay it out for you: $DOPE will free your mind, $TRIPS will free your soul, and $BLOW will crank your body into fuckin’ overdrive... And there you have it, man: the holy trifecta.
Alternate ending: $DOPE will free your mind from the world; $TRIPS will free your mind from itself, and $BLOW will crank your body into fuckin’ overdrive... And there you have it, man: the holy trifecta.